The Man's a Menace
by vanishingp2000
Summary: Crack Fic tag to Heart Break season two. An unusual conversation. A Vpmuz1k collaboration


**Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction; we are only borrowing the characters for entertainment purposes. We neither own NCIS nor make any profit from writing this story.**

**AN: We hope that you enjoy this tag to Heart Break as much as Scouse and I enjoyed writing it. **

The Man's a Menace

By Vpmuz1k

"Why _should_ I put up with it? The man's a menace, I tell you. Barges in here, banging everything in sight, hits _me_! The nerve of him!"

"I know dear, I heard your beep of protest. You did sound rather displeased."

"Displeased? Displeased – I ask you. My dear girl you obviously don't know the meaning of the word."

"Don't you dear girl me, George. You needn't think you're Dr Mallard just because you were made in England, and anyway I do believe he's a Scot. Besides, you're making a fuss over nothing; you know he didn't hurt you. He's a nice boy, he wouldn't hurt anyone."

"That's not what I've heard; I do believe you're as smitten as all the other females around here. Mind you I don't think Abigail likes him very much."

"Oh George, whatever makes you say a foolish thing like that?"

"I distinctly heard her ask him if he had somewhere else to be."

"Yes dear but did he actually go and did she really mean it?"

"One should always say what one means and mean what one says."

"Perhaps in the military dear but you know from your life down here that things are not always as they seem."

"Well it _seems_ to me that _he_ doesn't take _anything_ seriously. Why the very first time we saw him the oaf contaminated the evidence. Don't you remember him putting his thumb in the Petri dish?"

"Ah, now that wasn't evidence. Abby was using time lapse photography to record the growth of various moulds. She was just having fun."

"That may be so but she told him he'd murdered her Botrytis cinerea and chased him out of the lab brandishing a scalpel."

"She came round to him soon enough dear; the first time he saved Agent Gibbs' life."

"I suppose he does have _some _good points but don't forget that he hit me and what was that silly thing they were doing on opposite sides of the glass?"

"I thought you said Abby didn't like him?"

"Humph."

"Oh George, all work and no play. Surely even in the military you get some down time."

"When have you _ever_ seen _me_ take any 'down time'?"

"Well dear, there was that time last week when Abby was worried that you were getting a little overheated."

"Over heated? Over worked you mean."

"There you go again dear; your circuits are starting to glow. Do chill a little George."

"Is it any wonder I get overheated when _he_ keeps striking me at random times? If he does the rest of his job like this it's a wonder anything ever gets done."

"Reaaaally"

"Good heavens Girl, you're even starting to sound like him."

"Well I could do worse. Weren't you even watching this afternoon? He proved how the murder was committed."

"What do you mean _he _proved how it was committed? _You_ displayed the graphics of where the explosion started, _I _analysed the scraps of tissue and discovered the presence of antimony sulphide and potassium chloride, Peter printed the EKG results and the Corporal determined the absence of Percocet."

"Yes dear but it was that other nice young man..."

"Humph."

"...McGee who first mentioned matches and it _was _Tony who worked out how those matches had been used and _I,_ for one, think that was rather clever."

"Humph, yes I heard his coughing fit, I suspect the whole building did. Well I suppose we should be grateful that the young pup has had the sense never to smoke."

"Don't strain yourself dear, remember your circuits. You know we all have our uses in this life."

"Oh very well. You're right my dear, it was a good idea of his; he does have _some_ uses I suppose. I do appreciate your wisdom Bertha, I don't know what we'd do without you down here.

"Well, maybe Abby feels the same way about Tony. Now, ssshh, someone's coming."

The door opened and serious voices preceded their owners.

"Well," said Abby. "I guess I'm glad that Ducky was more concerned about the opera tickets than his broken heart."

"Yes, it seems like a good way to deal with it to me," Tony agreed. "Do you think he persuaded Kate to go with him?"

"Well they left together so he must have done," she paused taking a careful look around her domain. "That's good Tony," she added finally. "They've both had a rough day; they'll be good for each other."

"So fair Lady, the night is still young, what shall we do?"

"Eat and then let's bowl Mister. I'm gonna beat the pants off you."

With a final glance around Abby accepted the arm offered to her and they left the room in darkness.

"There dear, I told you she likes him." Bertha spoke up quietly, the satisfaction evident in her tone.

A Gibbs' like "Humph," was Major Mass Spec's only reply.


End file.
